The Alternative to Fruitless Fixing to Meet Your Real Needs

All codependency and recovery treatments warn against the fruitless perils incurred when we try to “fix” anyone else, or even especially ourselves, as a way to demand solutions to problems.  The Hindu religion says that we incur the worst kind of karma when we try to “make” someone do what we think they should do regardless of how we think it is “best”.

What are our alternatives when we care greatly, and want and need to “make things right”?  The truth of the matter is when we give up the addiction of “fixing”, the universe beautifully swings open its large doors to give us much space to have great effect.

An example of that would be the grassroots campaigns the fast several years to achieve goals, successfully conducted courtesy of the Internet.  We in fact have tremendous potential for greater impact, far more than we generally can ever know, with the following additional qualifiers:

1.  No fixing means no manipulating.

2.  No fixing means no demanding.

3.  No fixing means no expectation.

4.  Tell the truth objectively – no the answers to “observer” questions: who, what, where, when, who and how is this happening.

5.  Own your request, your feedback, assessment without blaming anyone else – say “I think, I feel, it seems to be, in reviewing the situation this is what I see . . . “

6. Don’t ask anyone else’s permission to say what you feel.

7.  Be as savvy as possible in assessing your understanding of the milieu and culture involved when you communicate without “walking on eggs”.

8.  Stay centered from an inner-connected space that feels like a “clean” space of empowerment.    

9.  Know what you want to have happen and, where applicable, your related decision(s), as well as your needs; and check to see none of your understanding involves your coming from a place of “fixing” – and include what you want and need, and your related decisions, in communication as relevant.

The spiritual center of all this is the understanding that as individuated divine consciousness, we have infinite power to choose, with clear and free intent, to initiate and respond to support the greater good in unconditionally loving and letting go through all the above ways .  Note this sentence says nothing – nor should it – about letting ourselves process, note, and unconditionally listen to our unfolding feelings, which can quite clearly reflect the stages of grief in their progression – denial, bargaining, anger, hopelessness/helplessness and acceptance. 

That is a separate dimension within the greater whole of who and what we are, and does not in and of itself interfere with our divine right to choose to initiate and respond.  No one and nothing can in and of itself stop that which exists inviolate within us with its potentially unlimited power, as the essence of who and what we are.

1 Comment

  1. That is a good one. Thanks as always.

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