Today my first husband would
have been sixty years old. Every year on this day since 1990, the year
after he died, I somehow, no matter what else is going on, think of
how he would have been on this day.
What milestones in our lives
he didn’t live to see! So many amazing things, I think, that
seem to accelerate and mount up with each passing year . . . our first
daughter’s marriage . . . our second daughter graduating college and
studying to be a composer on a special scholarship in grad school .
. . our son, who was just 4 when he died, finishing his junior year
of college . . . so many things . . . the practice he helped me start
that he was so instrumental in supporting, now in its eighteenth year.
Life Goes On and On No Matter
Life goes on and on no matter
what. He was 43 when he died and I was 39. So young, I think,
and he would have turned sixty! I can’t conceive of how he would
have looked, how he would have been, at sixty.
He died of undiagnosed coronary
artery disease. His heart was blocked off, and nobody knew it
– not even the doctor who had given him a clean bill of
health not long before I found him dead on our living room couch.
We Can Not Afford to Close
In his memory, in honor of
his great laugh, his honesty, his willingness to change and acknowledge
his mistakes, and most of all, his amazing, lovely children that I have
had the equally amazing good fortune to see come of age, knowing he
did not, I dedicate guided meditation which follows these additional
thoughts, on opening your heart.
We cannot afford to close our
hearts – not for long on all fronts if we hope to survive. The
world conspires on so many equally corresponding fronts to seem to close
our hearts, but we have the power to affirm and open all the loving
dimensions of who we are and what we are, no matter what.
The Strongest Organ We Possess
It is a delicate commodity,
a heart, and the strongest organ we possess. Go figure, I say,
knowing that despite terrible cultural conditioning, figuring hasn’t
a thing to do with it. Feeling, however, does – and the willingness
to let go and let be, and listen.
So now, are you ready to begin
this adventure into the deepest part of yourself?
Settle Back Comfortably
Settle back comfortably, close
your eyes, and take five full, deep, easy
breaths. Imagine your flowing breath extending right down into
Open your palms, and then place
them comfortably over your heart. As you continue to breathe,
say to yourself five times, “I open my heart”.
Experience Whatever Happens
Experience whatever happens
until you feel complete with it for now,
and then gently return to full waking consciousness.
Record your sensations.
What Choice Are You Moved
to Make Today From Your Open Heart?
Commit to making this choice
as a spiritual experiment, and record the results.