Overcoming conflict: begin with childhood traumas, not situation analysis

The Way to Resolve Challenges is NOT to Begin by "Analyzing"

image from psychotherapist.orgOver and over again clients, in sharing their heartfelt concerns and key challenges, sincerely attempt to, as they typically say, "analyze" them as how to find right solutions.  What pretty much quickly reveals itself, though, is what I call "the real agenda", otherwise known as The Script.

What do I mean by that?  What is the best way to truly solve problems and overcome challenges, especially longstanding conflicts?

Unexpressed Emotions from Childhood Trauma Set the Stage for a Lifelong "Script" as an Attempt to Recover Safety

What I mean by The Script is how we divert and simplistically and conflictually use our creative mental faculties to attempt to "shortcut", or manage/fix unhealed, unexpressed core emotional trauma, or woundedness, that always roots in childhood; and, as it continues, becomes repeatedly reinforced with what we come to understand through resultant suffering is unfinished business, or repeat patterning of exactly what we fear most and don't want to have happen continue to recur in our lives. The Script is its own self-perpetuating and always delusional agenda that diverts and inserts itself into life challenges and real attempts to effect resolution producing heartbreaking failure; and is always a demonstration of either fight, flight or freeze as the "knee jerk" coping responses when we're stressed – when we feel threatened.

The Script profoundly interferes with emotional and mental freedom, and therefore with our wherewithal to be fully present and empowered to be able to successfully act.  Here are the steps I've developed in my Centering Tools practice to transcend The Script and access higher power and thought:

Six Steps to Recover Emotional Freedom and Free Intuition to Become More Greatly Present

  1.  Admit being stressed as the logical and true response to experiencing challenge, especially crisis, which "takes the heat" out of these sensations, helping clear and center you.
  2. Then settle back into a comfortable, supported position and, making sure you won't be interrupted, ask yourself in this moment:  How am I feeling?
  3. Listen unconditionally and openly to whatever comes up inside you, and stay with all your sensations for some moments.  Consider your sense of how you are feeling – not thinking – not planning "how to deal" - just feeling.
  4. Stay fully present with your feelings.  They will express themselves – and note this will occur in a fairly short time – sometimes seconds extending to some minutes.
  5. Then ask yourself: What do I really need right now? … Then simply hold your focus and observe your sensations, thoughts, feelings, and responses until you have a sense of completion for now.
  6. Record what happened.

Then You Are Free to Creatively Solve Challenges, Heal and Grow 

Here is what does happen following this meditative and journaling exercise to go into your own free emotional space and unconditionally allow your feelings to simply, directly express themselves:

The "door" to your intuition, your core instincts, very much including what we call "common sense", and higher thought swings open, and real problem-solving that brings real resolution organically occurs.  We are so conditioned instead to ignore our feelings and "jump" to "figure it out", which actually shuts down authentic instinct, intuition and true common sense, te real cornerstones of higher thought.  We can only, then, "spin our wheels" – and the only door tat opens is the doorway to The Script, which always looks to seize the moment to take charge and effect the same old conflict/fear-ridden agenda that in turn produces more suffering  and unfinished business.

We Deny Our Emotional Selves at Our Peril

We are "wired" to feel, and when we deny our hard wiring, the "charges" go awry, "sparks fly" – and there's hell to pay.  This technique is about not only emotional recovery but emotional maturation, and gently, directly guides us to stop being so afraid of our own authentic, fully operative selves – we need who and what we really are to navigate, survive and actualize our lives!

So I invite you to try these steps as your new experimental MO, and see after about 45 days (approximately how long research tells us it takes to break one habit and "plant" another) or so of diligent practice how free, empowered, evolved and successful you become!