10 Top Tips for Assertive Success!

Free Yourself from Being A Grown-up "Good Little Girl"

Assertiveness is a well-worn word in our culture, but still a goal that many people struggle with.  I do a lot of assertiveness training in my practice, which continues to involve a lot of women clients. 

It is also well-known, and for a very long time, that women were not, until fairly recently, given training or permission to be assertive.  Instead, women have, for many millenia actually, been hugely conditioned to be "good little girls" . . . for life.

Be Good to Yourself

So here is my crash course on assertiveness, especially dedicated to all you grown-up good little girls out there who now need to be good to yourself, and free yourself and your powerful voice to Speak Up.


1.  Give direct eye contact

2.  Use the word "I" or "me" when you speak – "I think", I feel", "for me it’s this way", etc.

3.  Let go of expectation

4.  Let go of looking to fix anyone else on any level

5.  Let go of looking for anyone else to fix you on any level

6.  Take at least 5 full, deep breaths before you open your mouth

7.  Don’t speak out of obligation

8.  Don’t justify how you feel

9.  Speak from a central awareness of being true to yourself

10. Tell yourself before you speak you’ll survive the exchange and life will go on

Our Inalienable Right to Speak

We are entitled to our thoughts and feelings.  It is our inalienable right to freely express ourselves and to be heard, and listened to attentively. 

Whether someone else has an opinion about what we say does not change our right to speak, nor does anyone else have the right to presume how we think and feel.  Assertiveness is an integrated way to accept and love yourself unconditionally, empower yourself, and put yourself on an equal footing with all other human beings.

So . . . . whaddya got to lose?  Speak up . . . . and keep breathin’!