You Can Stop All Power Struggles in Your Relationships

Power Struggles Destroy Individuals and Relationships

Have you ever felt trapped in a power struggle with anyone?  It feels so frustrating and helpless, with no way out – the more the struggle, the more trapped we feel.
Power struggles shatter self-esteem, shut down creative problem-solving, and destroy love and trust.  All power struggles twist people into victims, unable to take responsibility or to choose freely for themselves.

We Have No Right Nor Do We Have the Power to Try to Change Anyone

Through decades of family systems research involving dysfunctional behavior, it has been said that when we are caught in power struggles, we are caught in an endless victim-persecutor-rescuer triangle.  I believe everyone caught in this no-win triangle actually plays all three roles, even though they may not believe it.
Typically everyone sees themselves as victims, but the rescuer and persecutor roles sooner or later produce violating behavior.  The Hindus say we generate the worst kind of karma by believing we have the right to change someone regardless of their will.  That is the focus of the both the rescuer and persecutor roles.

You Can Experience the Alternative Triangle of Power to Transform You and Your Relationships

How can we break out of power struggles and experience loving, respectful, self-responsible, healthy relationships?  How can we heal dysfunction and restore empowerment to ourselves and each other?
I have developed another triangle to create these results, that I call the triangle of power, as the healing alternative to the victim/persecutor/rescuer triangle of powerlessness.  The three sides of the triangle of power are the observer, active participant, and transformer.

Become the Observer of Your Own Life in Order to Evolve Through It

The observer is the alternative to the victim.  When we can detach from wherever we feel trapped in our lives, we can observe what is going on and, in so doing, naturally gain signficant understanding, which in turn sparks insight and fuels personal power and awareness.
I recommend asking yourself, as you imagine observing whatever relationship concerns you, who, what, where, when, why and how is this going on?  Write the answers to these questions as simply and factually as you can.  Often this writing exercise in and of itself will bring signficant creative ideas to choose differently as to how you can respond, as well as clarify what you really want, and your intuitive sense of what the relationship actually brings to you.

Set Solid Personal Boundaries by Becoming a Free, Aware Active Participant in Your Life

Then you can become the active participant through having restored the observer foundation, realizing you can't know the outcome of anything until you have experienced what produces it, nor can you fix anyone or control anything – which leaves you realizing you can just be yourself in the moment, fully present.  The active participant is then free to function with what in clinical terms would be called healthy boundaries, which protects personal power.
If being the active participant, fully participating in the unfolding play of your life and relationshhips, seems to become too intense, that is a signal to take a "time out", and return to being the observer.  Going back and forth between these two "sides" of the triangle of powerlessness provides inner balance, more greatly supports freedom to choose, and heightens awareness.  Eventually these expanding results produce their own crescendo, or "come to a head"; and in that release the third side of the triangle emerges, that I call the transformer.  Here one is courageously inspired to intuitively and mindfully choose a greater, more evolved response – to become their own higher self. 

Be the Transformer of Your Life and Relationships to Best Support and Inspire Yourself and Others

The transformer is the last part of this progressive triangle of healing, empowerment and development.  It can't come at the beginning – only through first developing the observer, who in turn "births" the active participant.  These two sides together create the transformer.
That is the profound difference between these two triangles.  The victim/persecutor/rescuer is locked in one flat dimension.  Where there is a victim, there is always a persecutor and rescuer, and vice versa. 

You Can Regain the Power to Function from a Place of Self-Love and Willingness to Be Fully, Freely Present

The triangle of power offers three progressive and expanding dimensions, first through the observer, second through the active participant, and finally through the transformer.  The transformer literally transforms relationships.
They either end because there is no common level of function, or others are inspired to transform themselves, becoming and therefore behaving from a foundation of empowerment and development.  I invite you to experiment in your own life and responses with the triangle of power and become your own best observer, active participant, and inspired transformer.

How to Experience Great Love and Higher Development

It has been said the basic law of the universe is like attracts like.  Experiencing heightened awareness, freedom to choose and personal power inspires great love and higher development.
There is no need to struggle for power – instead, all can share and support each other in equalness and respect, as healing and transformation is free to occur.  Happy, healthfully functioning relationships result.


  1. Awesome material

  2. Thank you very much, Matthew – I’m so glad you’re enjoying this and finding it useful. In light, Marjorie

  3. You never really said how to fix a power struggle in a relationship in your reading.

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